twistedmojo

VA’s considering a couple of new state slogans…

twistedmojo — Thu, 16 Feb 2012 10:09:19 +0000

So, of the Republicans left…

twistedmojo — Thu, 16 Feb 2012 01:37:08 +0000

One’s a serial adulterer who divorces his wives for younger versions, particularly when they get all cancer-y or multiple sclerosis-y. One’s a guy who likes to strap his pet dog to his car roof and gun it to Canada. And one’s a guy who takes his stillborn baby home to pose for a family portrait, then sleeps in bed with the corpse.

It’s like trying to choose a cheesecake at The Cheesecake Factory. How can you pick just one when they all sound so delicious?

Dalton fights Brad Wesley in Heaven now…

twistedmojo — Sat, 04 Feb 2012 10:02:26 +0000

Dalton: “Rule #1… be nice. Rule #2… if Rule #1 doesn’t work, rip the guy’s throat out, killing him instantly.”

Bouncer: “Shouldn’t… there be some rules between 1 and 2?”

Dalton: “Get out. You’re done here.”

On Facebook just now…

twistedmojo — Thu, 02 Feb 2012 17:46:16 +0000

Johnson’s Baby Canada invited people to “describe how you felt when you held your baby for the first time.” In just 30 minutes, there are close to 200 responses, all gushing heartfelt stuff like “Words can’t describe,” “God’s little miracle” and the like.

I wanted to reply:

“I better high-tail it away from this stroller before the mom turns around.”

Just to mix things up, but then I saw it was “describe in three words only.”

Just as well. Those chicks would have killed me.

Way late live reactions to watching the Golden Globes

twistedmojo — Sat, 28 Jan 2012 06:04:40 +0000

(… just to get the ball rolling with this blog.)

First time I could be compared with Johnny Depp. Neither of us has seen The Tourist.

Elle Macpherson must have a Sports Illustrated calendar of herself aging somewhere.

They just played Kate Winslet off. To be fair to the Globes, her acceptance speech was just under the running time of TITANIC.

Elton John lost. I was surprised because I forgot this wasn’t the Oscars.

Steven Spielberg just thanked his “partner” Peter Jackson. I had no idea about them, but I must be the only one since no one made a big deal about it. Including Kate Capshaw.

Cool! Woody Allen’s going to show — oh, wait, he’s not there?!?!?

Is Madonna looking to be the next Mae West? I have a feeling she’ll keep up the sexual banter two years after she dies of natural causes.

In a way, I’m sad Scorsese won, since it would have been nice to see Allen up there on stage. (I’m assuming he’s had time to get there since his no-show earlier.)

Golden Globes, why do you keep inviting someone so crude, so foul-mouthed when you *know* what to expect? When will the lesson be learned that Meryl Streep simply can’t contain herself?